If I ever say “gosh” or “darn”, just take me out back and shoot me.

23 Jan 2012 2 Comments

by Chelle in Ficrific, I am a nutjob, Like a cat, Weather

Okay, I’m about tired of this non-winter. I want AT LEAST a week of snow and cold before the equinox, Miz Mother Nature, okay? Okay?!

It’s January now, dangit! When I was a kid, we had waist deep snow by October, and on Halloween we went Trick-or-Treating in it uphill! Both ways!

Actually, every bit of that is true. I lived in the mountains when I was little, of course there was snow and hills! I know I can be a smart ass at times, but you guys didn’t really think I’d lie to you, did you? I’m hurt!

Someone turned the heater up to 70 last night, and Imma kill whoever it was when I find out. I keep my thermostat set at 60. 64 if I think I might be cold, but 70? 70 is too high like, ever, but especially when Winter apparently FORGOT TO COME THIS YEAR. So I woke up all hot and grumpy and this morning I’m walking around in jeans and a tank top with the windows open. That’ll teach ‘em! Stupid thermostat is back where it’s supposed to be too. 70. Jeez.

So I have been trying to modify some of my more erm… Coarse language a little, recently. (Yes, I know there is a bad word up there. I’m not changing it. Because I don’t want to, that’s why!) I already use substitute words like “bleep” and “ampersand” (yes, I really say those), but I have been trying to get rid of even more cuss words and DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO CLEAN UP YOUR LANGUAGE WHEN YOU’VE CUSSED LIKE A SAILOR YOUR WHOLE BLEEPING LIFE?! It’s ffffffff… Bleeping hard, yo!
Grr.

I do that a lot now.
“Ffffffffffffff… Argh! Where did that wall come from?”
“Son of a…. RRRRRRRRRGH! How does a person trip over flat surfaces so bleeping often? “
“Ow! The mother fffffff – stupid dog bit my stupid ffff – BLAH! My stupid TOE, and it hurt dam…. DANGIT!”

By the end of the day my language has usually devolved into something far less pretty. Chelle. Foul-mouthed, accident prone clutz since… Forever.

Anyway. I have to go now. Walls to walk in to, floors to trip over, dogs to get nommed by, mouths to wash out, thermostat messers-withers to hunt down… You know. The usual. Take care, all. Have a good day!